Stop telling yourself it’s all on you
If you don't believe me, believe the statistics: it's impossible for it to always and only be your fault
“It's my fault. I should have thought about it earlier.”
Does this sentence sound familiar to you? If so, you’re not alone. It’s that inner voice that always makes you feel responsible for everything, even when things go wrong for reasons beyond your control.
We tend to internalize responsibilities for various reasons: because we want to maintain high standards, or because guilt gives us a sense of control (paradoxically, thinking everything depends on us seems to simplify things). But this creates a vicious cycle: the more you convince yourself it’s always your fault, the more it truly becomes that way in your mind. And that weight becomes paralyzing.
A few days ago, I had the chance to spend a couple of days with my lifelong friends, and while talking about this newsletter, one of them pointed out that I often focus on the leader's mistakes, as if they were the only one making them. This perspective made me think a lot, to the point that I wanted to share my reflections on my tendency to always place the blame on myself.
Shifting from blaming yourself to shared responsibility
Thinking that everything is your fault harms both you and your team. Your mind starts focusing on revisiting every mistake to allow you to look ahead with clarity. This approach can also lead you to do everything yourself, avoid delegating, and prevent others from having the space to learn from their own mistakes.
When you take on all the responsibilities, or even every mistake, you end up, even unintentionally, centering everything on yourself. This habit, which may initially seem like an example of dedication and accountability, can actually become an obstacle to the team's growth.
Reflecting on the possible consequences, I've identified at least three:
Reduced autonomy and initiative: teammates can feel like the leader will take responsibility, no matter what happens and this leads them to not feel truly accountable for their own decisions
Limited trust in the delegation process: if you constantly take the blame for every small mistake, you may become reluctant to delegate significant tasks, fearing things won't go as planned and that you’ll have to “fix” it every time
A “protective” environment: Although it may seem counterintuitive, an overly protective leader who takes all the blame to “shield” their team prevents them from growing through direct experience.
What can you do to mitigate this? The next time you hear that inner voice, try to pause and ask yourself: “Is this really under my control?”. Step back and observe the bigger picture: not everything is black and white, and not everything depends on you. Balance comes when you can distinguish what you can improve from what you can let go.
It becomes essential, then, to establish a culture where responsibility is shared, and where mistakes are opportunities for growth for everyone.
The fine line between the leader's responsibilities and those of the team
We just said that establishing a shared responsibility inside the team is important but how can we achieve this?
Define clear roles and responsibilities: I have already talked about RACI matrix here, this can be helpful to define the boundaries
Establish a safe environment for mistakes: Foster a culture where errors are seen as learning opportunities
Promote Delegation and Empowerment: Ensure that the team member has the necessary resources and skills to complete the assigned tasks. Allow them to make decisions related to that task, offering support but without micromanaging
However, the most important piece of advice is that the leader should not limit the proactivity of the team members. Don’t be afraid if someone tries to grow and take on more responsibility; give them the space to do so. Leadership is not just a role but an attitude.
TL;DR
Being a leader means recognizing your limits without losing your commitment. Focus on how you can grow and help others do the same. Try to think that every mistake is not just yours: it's part of a system you are a part of.
Credits: Illustration 1