Reading the room in remote meetings: are you really seeing what’s happening?
How to improve communication in virtual meetings by understanding non-verbal cues
I've been working in remote-first or hybrid companies since 2012, back when remote work was a privilege for just a few. Even though we're now seeing a shift back to office work, I still wholeheartedly appreciate the benefits of working from home.
Regardless of where you work, there's one thing that remains a constant in our daily routines: meetings. Whether you're at home or in the office, it's rare to go a day without at least one video call on your calendar. At the end of 2024, I checked my calendar stats, and on my least busy days, I averaged 2-3 meetings per day. With roughly 220 working days in a year, that adds up to - on the low end - over 500 video calls in just the past year.
But why all this preamble? Simply to say that, after accumulating a fair amount of experience in remote meetings, I’ve gradually started focusing much more on non-verbal communication than on verbal cues. That's because I believe we should understand whether the timing and context are right before addressing certain topics or communicating key decisions, ensuring that the message truly gets through. If people are distracted, multitasking, or mentally elsewhere, there's a good chance the message won’t land the same way as it would if they were fully present.
Even though non-verbal language - aside from cultural differences - is largely the same for everyone, there are notable differences between body language in person and in remote settings. This happens because, in virtual meetings, the field of view is limited: we only see the face and part of the torso (if the camera is on). This reduces our ability to interpret signs of discomfort or defensiveness, such as crossed legs or arms.
It goes without saying that it took me a while to fully grasp this. So, I’d like to share a few examples of moments when I failed to recognize that it wasn’t the right time to bring up a topic - along with some tricks that might come in handy for your next meeting.
I ignored the signs of disengagement
Some time ago, during a weekly meeting I attended, I started noticing a recurring pattern: some participants seemed so distracted that they would ask questions about topics that had just been discussed minutes earlier. This situation always annoyed me because it gave the impression that not everyone was truly engaged in the discussion or paying attention to what was being said.
It took me a while to fully understand what the real issues were. On one hand, the meeting covered too many heterogeneous topics, many of which were not relevant to all participants, making it difficult for some to follow the conversation. On the other hand, there was a lack of real engagement from all members, which resulted in a small group monopolizing the discussion.
Some basic tricks that can work in these circumstances:
Keep the discussion at a level suitable for all participants: Avoid going too deep into details that are not relevant to the entire audience, postponing them to another time
Actively engage participants: Ask questions, seek opinions, and use interactive tools
Vary the pace of the presentation: Alternate between explanation, discussion, and interactive activities
Avoid excessively long meetings: Stick to the scheduled time and try to keep meetings under an hour whenever possible. Address the most important topics within the first 20 minutes of the meeting, as research suggests that attention span gradually begins to decline after that time
Address difficulties openly: If you notice that a team member is struggling, offer your help and support. Ideally, do this in private to avoid putting them in an uncomfortable situation in front of others
I didn’t realize that someone was mentally elsewhere
During a 1:1, the person seemed restless, staring at the screen while clearly doing something else. The blue reflection in their glasses revealed windows other than the meeting one. I won’t deny that it annoyed me, but when we discussed it later, it turned out they were waiting for an important response and weren’t mentally present.
I’ve encountered similar situations multiple times over the years, and they still happen regularly. There are also other obvious signs of distraction: frequently checking the time or phone and constantly shifting in their chair.
The solution to the problem took a while to arrive, but to date, it seems to have resolved the issue very well. Last year, I attended a course where the instructor suggested using the Traffic Light Principle. This technique involves asking the participant(s) to simply rank how they feel today:
Green: All good, I am fully present in the meeting
Amber (or Yellow, or Orange depending on cultures): I am present but slightly distracted.
Red: My mind is elsewhere today.
We all have ups and downs or off days. This technique also helps us understand whether it’s the right moment to engage in certain discussions.
I chose the wrong moment for a key discussion
On another occasion, I started an important conversation with only a few minutes left in the meeting, and the person had another meeting immediately after. There was no time for clarifications or follow-up questions. What went unsaid, due to the limited time, turned into wrong assumptions. I prioritized my sense of urgency to deliver the message and avoid scheduling another call, but this had a negative impact.
The solution, as one would expect, is to avoid addressing important topics when there is not enough time available and, as mentioned earlier, to bring them up at the beginning of a meeting, not at the end.
I ignored signs of discomfort or tension during a sensitive discussion
During a meeting where I was communicating an important change within the company, I ignored clear signs of discomfort: lowered gazes, crossed arms, nervous movements. Someone else pointed this out to me after the meeting, as I was very focused on delivering the message. I asked if anyone had questions, but no one spoke up. Over time, and after pressing a bit more during 1:1s, I discovered that almost the entire team had questions and concerns.
In these situations, I’ve learned to explicitly make space for others during the meeting. This helps for two reasons:
It empowers others to speak up
It gives me time to observe the other participants and understand how they react to the information
TL;DR
Reading non-verbal cues in remote meetings is a skill that can greatly enhance team communication and avoid misunderstandings. Here are some key takeaways from the examples shared:
Keep discussions relevant and engaging for all participants
Recognize when someone is mentally elsewhere
Be mindful of the timing when addressing critical topics
Don’t overlook discomfort or tension during sensitive conversations
If you found the topic interesting, you might also like another article I wrote some time ago which is focused on other way around: the impact a leader’s mood has on the motivation and engagement of team members in meetings and in daily team life.
Credits: Illustration 1
Love this post Simone. You've shared loads in this. Interesting and eye opening info that many haven't considered. How did you address the blue reflection?